This is the little tale of what becomes of perfectly normal non-witch cackling ladies when in the presence of a heavily pregnant woman…
They are scattered far and wide across the playground…. and on spying the heavily pregnant one, begin their innocent converge upon her, sidling across the playground, flitting from conversation to conversation in effort to gain proximity, until a casual group has established… the ladies then morph into a cackle of witches… dispensing their wisdom
Talk turns to comments on how low she is carrying, the relative size of her bottom and the mental conversion to produce a guess at the chances of a boy or a girl. It progresses to ‘handed down’ remedies on how to induce labour, ranging from the raspberry leaf tea, to a special recipe curry, over consumption of pineapple, walking for miles, taking bumpy journeys, indulging in the bedroom and the old favourite castor oil… I half expect a fire to be lit and the baby to be smoked out – such is the intent to ‘help’.
And as the whistle blows for school to commence, the witches, their job complete, drift off and continue their day and the pregnant one returns home to continue her wait.
Just what is it that turns us from ladies to a cackle of witches* ?
* the term used is to express group of women coming together to pass on their knowledge not to indicate they brew potions from tongue of frog… although… I do have my suspicions about one or two of them 
Ooh perfect. I know what you mean. The worst for me was being pregnant with my first and having all the ‘witches’ say ‘oh is it your first’ then when I replied in the affirmative ‘ah, sweet’ then exchanging knowing glances. Problem is, I just KNOW i do it now…
It’s hard not to isn’t it!
thanks for comments
It never ceases to amaze me how people take delight in scaring the living daylights out of those less experienced, be it pregnancy, colonoscopy, etc etc. Surely much better to reassure than to frighten?
I never had this, but then I didnt tell anyone at work about the pregancny till I was 20 and I used to put my fingers in my ears and say I wanted to live in blissful ignorance!
Best way!
Everyone has an opinion and it’s always “right” now I am expecting my 3rd well. The comments haven’t stopped. I can’t quite imagine what people say when it’s you 4th + etc!
They are so funny aren’t they with the absolute conviction & insistence that their advice be taken!
Everyone’s an expert when they’ve had a baby.
She says.
CJ xx
I love the way women try to outrank each other with either the longest or the shortest labour – “12 hrs, 14hrs, 18hrs – any advance on 18hours?” And then the horror stories….”My friend’s cousin was in labour for 6 DAYS and her C-scar is 30 inches long…….!”
I love listening to the outranking!
I was totally floored when a coworker (male, Bengali, a doctor, and a really very sweet man) asked in a public setting if I had planned my second pregnancy or if it was an accident caused by relying on breastfeeding for contraception! Apparently this is quite a usual question to ask of a casual aquaintance in Bangladesh!
That is funny!!!